Women Raising Men Alone
(Posted on Wednesday, May 27, 2020)
Do you ever feel like you are all alone in the world?
There are well-meaning friends and relatives around, yet you know that when they say, “I understand how you feel,” they don’t actually understand. Is this you sometimes?
For many people in peculiar circumstances, this is the case. When it is like everyone else around you think they have problems, but they do not know the half of it. This is the effets that many women find themselves in when they are raising sons alone. It can be overwhelming, isolating, draining, etc.
How do you teach him to “be a man” when you are a woman?
With a girl, you have been there. You were once her age and you can understand why she acts the way she does, even if you do not like it. But how do you tell your son that you understand his growing pains? How can you be both father and mother to him? This is a question you must deal with every day.
Most people around you will have “typical” families, and so their examples won’t always look like yours, and their advice won’t always work for you, but it’s all right. I understand that no matter how hard you try to cover it, the gap shows. Here is the thing though, it is in that gap that you and son (s) will grow stronger. Raising a son alone is like wandering through a new town without a map. You will walk into a few alleys with dead ends, but you will find your way out. When you start to think that you know your way around, you will move into a lane you have never explored, but in the same way you got there, you will move ahead. You can trust this.
You have friends everywhere
There are other people who have been in this town longer than you have, and it is OK to ask for directions. You do not have to walk alone. There are other people who are going through the same things that you are. There are other women who have cried the same tears and fought with the same questions.
One of the problems I know you may be dealing with now is that you are surrounded by people who don’t believe that you can do what you’re doing; people who pity you. This can erode your self-confidence, but it does not have to. Listen to people who understand; there is nothing wrong with being in a support group. Two or three are stronger than one.
Count your medals, darling
You are doing great! Before you put yourself down, before you give in and just let life happen how its choses, remember what you have accomplished. You are a brave woman and not many can wear as many hats as you. Think about the mountains you have climbed over in raising your son. Remember the time when you wondered if you would even get to this stage? Well, here you are now. Write out your accomplishments in raising your son. Put down those difficult conversations you have had successfully, and all the proud moments, no matter how small. Think about all those times when the effects of your good work have shone through.
Sharing helps you and others
There is a tendency among people who are in unique situations to bottle everything in and not say much to others about how they are feeling. This may look like a good thing on the outside, after all, what do other people know? However, the problem with holding feelings and experiences inside is that they eventually become bigger than us, and they burst out in a way that is not good to see.
When you share your experiences and your feelings with others, there are three things that come out of it.
- You show other people that they are not alone in their struggles.
- It tells people that they can deal with what they are experiencing.
- It helps your family and friends understand you better.
Bonus. You feel stronger, more accomplished and successful.
Wherever you are now, keep in mind that there are others who are in the same place. Not just that, but there are also others ahead of you and pushed passed the pain. You can raise a great son who will be proof of your undeniable work and dedication. You can do this, and you will be simply fine, just seek out support from family and friends who genuinely love and support you.
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