The Black family structures

Over the years, the number of single-parent black households have been going up constantly; there has never been a time when the numbers decreased. Every year, the number increases, and the projections are that there will be even more single-parent black households next year. Let us call them what they are, un-balanced homes. There are too many un-balanced African American homes and the number never seems to decrease.

What are we doing wrong?

This number has been rising from as early as the emancipation. As quickly as we started to marry, we started to separate too. The African-American race appears to be the group in the united states that fights for their marriages the least. We seem to be so used to unmarried couples having children and couples with children leaving their marriages as soon as there is trouble.

Part of this is since in the dark slavery years, women had to raise their children without the fathers. This has continued over the years with men being taken from the homes to make a living and women raising the family alone. Maybe this is why we have become so used to this; but should we let it continue?

This situation needs to change. If there is no other reason, how about this reason; the higher the un-balanced homes we have, the higher the poverty rate among Africans. The structure of black families today has lost its traditions of the past which held integrity and loyalty to the family.

When a middle class family breaks up in a black household, each person in that family (man, woman and child), is faced with more emotional burden than normal, peace of mind is far away, and financial burdens begin to spread. Life has so many challenges already, and when you have to deal with it alone, they can weigh you down. And what about the child? When both parents are each on their own trying to make just enough money, the child has to deal with the feeling that one person did not want him/her badly enough. The child has to deal with the single parent just not having enough to give emotionally, physically and financially. The child also has to live with the constant bitterness bickering that results from this splits, giving him/her a harmful perspective of life and relationships.

A healthy relationship or civil co-parenting produces palpable love which communicates value and respect to both the man and the woman, as well as the child. Relationships are not easy, but we can try to be nice to each other. If it happens that a couple can no longer be together, still be nice to each other. You can be separated and still be good to each other; this will help everyone; man, woman and child to live life with a little less darkness. 

Contrary to what many couples seem to believe, amicable relationships are possible if you can only make up your mind to be good to each other. The fighting that comes with most separations brings each of us down; the couple, the children involved, both families, even neighbours. 

Men, be responsible; women, be patient. Let us all be good to each other. The trauma from ineffective broken relationships potentially stagnates the woman, keeping her from achieving the things that she is capable of because she is constantly being held back by the accumulated worries.

Building the black family begins with building up yourself.

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